Finally. I have my life and my sanity back. The Hamilton Circle Jerk is over for another year. It’s no easy task to co-ordinate twelve bands, a host of volunteers, and as many music-lovers as Ward Lane could hold, but it all came together wonderfully on the night.

Ministry of Hypocrisy kicked things off with a recital of the Circle Jerk’s H-town comments thread, and a belching smoke machine. They were followed by Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers with doo-wop backing gals and a great take on Hamilton hip-hop exports Four Corners and an antique This Night Creeps number. The thorougly languid Deadly Deaths brought cries of “cheat!” with their song choice — ‘Dwarfism’ by Bevan’s old band Dead Pan Rangers. But they redeemed themselves with fantastic versions of the DPR and The Shrugs songs, and with Tu’s two-handed keyboard action.

Dynamo Go’s twee-pop reworking of Stardrunk raised a laugh and a few eyebrows. When the lyrics are audible, ‘Complete Control’ really is a terrible song — it turns out ‘me’ and ‘inside’ never rhyme, no matter how hard you mispronounce them. They redeemed themselves with Kimbra’s ‘Deep For You’ as a gay love-song.
“We love you really, Kimbra,” Gian says afterwards, scanning the crowd. “Stardrunk can fuck off, though.”
Hamilton’s great pop hope was up next. Kimbra won over the posthardcore stalwarts with fantastic acoustic versions of both Amy Racecar’s Hazing, and This Night Creeps’ Cracked Your Own.

Citing the ol’ I-have-work-in-the-morning, grindcore punks Gawj pushed themselves back on the bill, making for an extreme departure from all this pretty pop. I’m told they defiled the self-titled song from local lasses Handsome Geoffrey, though I was too distracted by Glen Leslie’s fantastic moustache to pay enough attention. Really, it was a very impressive moustache. Rumpus Room brought things back to earth with a familiar riff, the unmistakable keyboard line from Tweeter’s ‘Dis Guy’. They also forgot the words to The Shrugs’ ‘Space Is Black’, which is ironic considering it’s normally Geoff who forgets the words at Circle Jerk (c.f. the iconic ‘Stu’s Pie Cart’ at Circle Jerk 2005). Luckily Gordon wasn’t there to see it.

There had been rumours about Mobile Stud Unit attending the last two Circle Jerks, without result. So I was surprised and relieved in equal measure when they walked through Ward Lane’s doors on Saturday night. And I was delighted to see these stalwarts of Hamilton music wankery (literal, figurative) take the stage with a poop-inspired reworking of 48may’s ‘Leather And Tattoos’ and way-before-your-time metallers Blackjack (’Young, Single and Dangerous’). Worth waiting three years for? Definitely.

Yokel Ono teased with familiar riffs (wait…was that Katchafire?) before tearing through the Hollow Grinders’ ‘Theme From Bastard Squad’ and Cornerstone Roots’ ‘Forward Movement’ (I think, or maybe it was one of the others…). Next, Hamilton’s second-most cantankerous sons The Gills turned Wendyhouse’s 1-minute casio ditty ‘F.U.C.K.T.H.E.M.A.L.L.’ into a country dirge in three parts. Each of them longer than the original. They also managed to play The Deadly Deaths’ etheral ‘See The World’ even slower than the original as well as one of Mike Crook’s violent mariachi murder ballad originals.

Since Gordon was absent, The Shrugs had elected to team up with MC Stormtroopa. Since all the other bands were pussies who didn’t want to play last, this unprecedented pairing became the headline act of Circle Jerk ‘07. And what a way to end the night. With Mike Crook guesting on cross-legged floor sitting an whiskey-tumbler slide guitar, The Shrugs provided funky beats and slinky, sexy slow-jams for the ‘Troopa. The grimey take on Yokel Ono’s ‘Three Pound Infant With A Crack Habit’ was disturbingly faithful to the original. The MSU number ‘Marmite Man’ took Matt’s combined love of marmite and poo-humour to disturbingly brilliant new levels, and Stormtroopa’s own ‘You And Me, Padme’ became the most epic Boyz-II-Men slowwww jam for the ladies, already weak at the knees at the sight of the gold bling on the Troopa’s pasty, scrawny chest.

A great night, great music, and a fantastic turn out for li’l ol’ Ward Lane. Somewhere around two hundred music lovers, supporters, volunteers and musicians fit within its walls on Saturday night. Not at all bad for an event promoted in the weekly paper with the misleading headline ‘Circle Jerk promises Rave Music’. Huge thanks to everyone who played; to Geoff, Gian and Mike for the sound; to the incomparable Dr Ezy for compering yet again; to Roz, Art and Bella for being grade A door-bitches; to John and Lorraine for hosting us; and most of all, to everyone who came along to celebrate local music at the third Hamilton Circle Jerk. You’re all awesome. See you at next year’s.